Dad’s Car Has New Scrapes. Find Out Whether You Have a Driving Problem Before You Reach for the Keys.

You found fresh damage on Dad’s car. He says the grocery cart did it. Or the garage post moved. Or people park too close now.

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Any one of those explanations could be true. A scrape is not a diagnosis, and age is not proof that Dad cannot drive. Your job is narrower: determine whether the damage belongs to one ordinary mistake or a pattern showing that he may not be operating the car safely.

Do not start by demanding the keys. Keys settle possession for an afternoon. They do not establish what happened, cancel a license, or stop Dad from finding another set. Start with the car and the events.

Read the damage before you argue about it

Walk around the car in daylight with Dad if he will join you. Look for damage at different heights, on different corners, or with different amounts of dirt and rust. Photograph each area separately and then photograph the whole side of the car. Record only what you can see.

Ask Dad to place each mark: Where did it happen? What did the car touch? Was anyone else present? Did he report it or exchange information? A clear account of one parking mistake is different from several marks he cannot place.

Check the garage opening, posts, trash bins, gate, and usual parking spot. Matching paint transfer or damage at the same height may support his explanation. It may also reveal a house problem, such as a narrow approach or poor lighting. Dad does not lose the argument merely because you arrived worried.

Have a mechanic inspect anything that could affect control or visibility, including mirrors, tires, steering, brakes, lights, windshield damage, and warning indicators. Ask for findings in writing. You are trying to keep a vehicle fault from being mistaken for a driver problem.

Look for a pattern you can actually describe

A driving problem is easier to recognize when you stop using conclusions such as “unsafe” and start recording events. Write down what you personally observed:

He crossed the center line on a familiar street. He entered an intersection after the signal changed. He struck the curb twice while turning. He confused the accelerator and brake. He became unable to name his location. He returned with damage and could not explain where it occurred.

Also record the setting. Note the route, weather, traffic, lighting, and whether the event happened while parking or at road speed. That context matters. Trouble only at night points to a different practical decision than trouble throughout the day.

If you consider riding with him, do it only when you believe the trip itself is reasonably safe. Choose a familiar route with ordinary turns, lane changes, parking, and a return home. Do not manufacture a test, distract him, or grab the wheel to prove a point. If you already have evidence of immediate danger, skip the passenger experiment.

One event may justify a repair, a different parking arrangement, or a voluntary check. Repeated unexplained damage, serious traffic errors, near collisions, or an event involving loss of control deserves a firmer response.

Know what taking the keys does not do

Dad’s valid license does not disappear because a relative believes he should stop driving. Missouri gives the Department of Revenue authority to examine a driver and then retain, restrict, suspend, deny, or revoke the license. That decision belongs to the state process, not the family meeting. Missouri Revised Statutes section 302.291 and the Department of Revenue unsafe-driver materials are identified on the site’s Sources page.

Do not disable, hide, sell, or move Dad’s vehicle unless you have his permission or clear legal authority over that property. A power of attorney is not a general license to overrule him. Its language, activation requirements, and limits matter. If ownership or authority is disputed, get Missouri legal guidance before touching the car.

If he agrees to pause, make the pause concrete. Put the keys in a place he chooses. Write down which trips need coverage. Assign a person to each ride for groceries, appointments, banking, and the places he goes because he wants to, not merely the places the family considers necessary. The Local Help in St. Louis page can help you start the transportation search.

Use the Missouri reporting route for facts, not leverage

Missouri permits an adult child to submit a Driver Condition Report to the Department of Revenue. The reporter must identify himself, act reasonably and in good faith, and base the report on personal observation or physical evidence described in the report. The report is written, not handled as an anonymous telephone complaint. Reports and related records are generally confidential, subject to the legal exceptions described by the state. These requirements come from Missouri Revised Statutes section 302.291 and the Department’s unsafe-driver FAQ, listed on the Sources page.

The form asks for identifying information, unsafe driving behavior, relevant conditions, and an explanation. Do not fill the explanation with family history, insults, or a diagnosis you are not qualified to make. Use short factual entries: what happened, where it happened, what you observed, and what physical evidence exists.

The report does not automatically prove Dad unsafe. The Department reviews the information and may investigate or require examinations. Depending on the results, it may leave the license in place, restrict it, suspend it, deny it, or revoke it. Dad also has a route to challenge an adverse licensing decision. That is why a report should be a safety action supported by evidence, not a threat used to win tonight’s argument.

Separate an emergency from the review process

A mailed form is not the tool for a car that is moving into immediate danger. If Dad is about to drive while plainly unable to control the vehicle, or he has left and you believe people face an immediate threat, call emergency services. Give the dispatcher facts: vehicle description, plate, direction of travel, last known location, and the behavior you observed. Do not chase him or block a moving car with your body.

If there is no immediate danger, slow the matter down enough to get it right. Preserve photographs, repair paperwork, crash information, and your event notes. Ask Dad for his account. Rule out a mechanical explanation. Then decide whether you have one incident, a solvable route or vehicle problem, or a documented pattern that belongs with the Department of Revenue.

Your next move tonight: photograph every damaged area, write one sentence for each driving event you personally observed, and circle the event that would justify action even if Dad were not your father.